You think you know the men in your life—stoic, unbothered, maybe a little rough around the edges. But here is the truth that will stop you in your tracks: they are likely holding onto a single compliment you gave them ten years ago like it’s a life raft. We underestimate how hungry men are for genuine connection, and it’s time we stopped leaving them starving.
Time to Level Up
They Are Still Waiting for That 6th Grade Compliment You might forget a kind word the second it leaves your lips, but for a lot of men, it echoes forever. I know guys who can tell you exactly what a lab partner said about their eyes in middle school, or how a gym teacher made fun of the way they ran in 7th grade. They carry these moments like treasures—or scars—decades later. When you speak kindness into a man’s life, you aren’t just being nice; you are rewiring his memory. Be the person who gives him a memory he keeps.
Give Them a “Just Because” Gift Women often exchange small tokens of friendship, but men? Almost never. If you see a t-shirt that reminds you of him or a pack of his favorite gum, buy it. Give it to him with zero occasion attached. Watch his face—he might try to figure out what he owes you or what the catch is, because he isn’t used to being thought of without a transaction. Show him he matters just because he exists. It will rock his world.
You Have to Explicitly Invite the Vulnerability Most men will not voluntarily crack open their chests to show you what’s inside; they’ve been trained their whole lives to believe it’s dangerous. But if you create a safe space and ask—really ask—they will spill everything. A quiet “How have you actually been?” is all it takes to dismantle the walls. They are desperate to be seen, to talk about their fears and their dreams, but they are waiting for someone to hand them the permission slip. Be that person. Ask the deep question and wait for the answer.
Stop Playing Mind Games Men are generally literal creatures. If you are thirsty, say you are thirsty. If you want help, ask for help. There is no secret code to crack. When you try to read between lines that don’t exist, you create confusion where there should be clarity. Say exactly what you mean. It saves everyone so much time and energy.
They Are Just Big Kids Hiding in Plain Sight Society tells them to be tough, to be rocks, to be unbothered. But underneath that armor? They are soft. They are pookies. They are the guys who will do a happy dance in the grocery store over a pack of gum or show you a weird frog video two seconds after telling you their deepest sadness. They want to play. They want to be excited. Let them be silly without judgment.
They Love Harder Than You Think When a man feels safe with you, his loyalty has no ceiling. He would jump off a cliff for you. The misconception is that men are cold or distant, but the reality is they are just protective of their warmth. Once you earn their trust, you gain a fierce ally who loves louder and bigger than you ever imagined. Don’t mistake silence for a lack of caring.
It is not your job to fix them, but it is absolutely within your power to see them. Look past the stoic mask today. Find the man in your life—a friend, a partner, a brother—and give him a reason to feel seen. A kind word, a random gift, a real question. Do it now and watch what happens.